My Struggle with Fear

Let's take a moment to talk about fears. I experienced an extreme amount of fear after my husband passed away. His unexpected passing played a major role in my struggle with feeling scared in the beginning. I felt anxious at the thought of the kids learning to drive and driving on their own - I tried to convince myself that I could (and would) drive them anywhere and everywhere they needed to go. After thinking about it, I realized how unrealistic and unfair that would be for the children. I can't deny them the opportunity to learn how to drive because of my dread; I had to pray to God asking for help overcoming this fear of losing them unexpectedly.

Not long after Jamaal passed, our daughter got sick with something causing a sniffle, cough, and fever. The fever was the most concerning symptom for me because we could never eliminate Jamaal's fever while he was battling COVID-19. I was so worried and wholly terrified that our daughter could pass away too. I couldn't bear the thought of losing another family member and having to console our son over the loss of both his father and sister. I didn't realize how severely Jamaal's passing affected me until I started feeling terror as I thought about activities the kids would begin to do and dealing with our daughter's illness. I'm glad she pulled through, and I could take my problems to the Lord in prayer.

I'm grateful for prayer - I don't know where I'd be in my grief journey without being able to pray. I don't know who I'd share all my worries, fears, and thoughts with; I don't know who would listen or understand my situation better. I don't know who could have helped me with my overwhelming grief and anxiety better than my Lord and Savior did. I'm glad the Bible tells us we can cast our cares on Him because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7). I certainly cast my cares on Him. I laid my burdens at His feet and sought His guidance. God has been my closest friend throughout this process, and I just knew He was the only One who could assist me in my grief. I knew that He would understand how I felt and that I could tell Him anything.

Basically, God became my best Friend who I tell everything to. I used to share my problems, thoughts, and feelings with Jamaal, and I still do, but it is also lovely and comforting to express these things to Jesus. He has been faithful to answer my prayers and to assure me that He is always with me. He is my Comforter.