Timeline

The month and year my husband passed away and my life changed forever. I like to think that my husband simply moved to Heaven ahead of me.

The second month adjusting to the absence of my husband's voice. It was our first Thanksgiving without him, and it was rough.

The third month, and, quite possibly, the hardest. We ended up opening presents on December 23rd because it was a day that I wasn't overwhelmed with sadness.

Have you ever been angry about time? I couldn't believe how angry I was that time would move forward when I wasn't ready to. However, there were moments when I felt excited that I was one year closer to seeing my husband again. This month was especially tough because it was my first birthday without him since we started dating in 2006.

Trying to ensure your son has a great birthday despite your circumstances is difficult to do. This was another month of difficulty for us. Our son was distressed about not having his father physically with him for his 10th birthday. He was looking forward to sharing it with him. My heart broke (and still breaks) for him each year his birthday comes around.

Three months into the new year already. How should I feel? Can I feel anything other than sadness and loneliness? I guess I'll have to find out.

This was tough too! My handsome husband was born in April, and this was the first time since 2006 that we weren't physically together on his birthday.

I ended up in the hospital for treatment of depression. My parents were supportive and helpful during this time - watching the kids for me and driving out to my house so our daughter could feed our dog.

I was released from the hospital and worked on establishing a routine we could live with.

This was another emotionally taxing month because it was our daughter's first birthday without her father.

A friend invited me to attend a homeschool group orientation so the kids and I could get out of the house at least once a week and make new friends. The kids were excited and made many new friends, and I was glad they had something fun to look forward to each Friday.

September rolls around again (as it always does each year), and it hits hard. Jamaal and my anniversary is this month; my heart hurts to spend it alone. To have some normalcy around this time, the kids and I go out to eat. Applebee's has a delicious White Peach Sangria, by the way.

One year. One. Whole. Year. To celebrate being one year closer to seeing my husband again in Heaven, the kids, a friend, and I took a day trip to the beach. I love the beach - it's one of my favorite places because it's peaceful.

The second Veteran's Day and Thanksgiving, we would spend as a family of three rather than a family of four.

Another Christmas without him in the house with us physically. It's not any easier this year than last year, but I don't expect this to change. Living without Jamaal will never be easy.

2023 already?! Where did the time go? Another birthday and another winter without my love physically with me. But I took a bath, and that was super nice. The kids and I went out to eat.

Our son's birthday again - only this time, he's not as sad as the first year, and he's as hopeful as I am about seeing his father again in Heaven.

It's been a busy month. We had some family visit who stayed with us for a while. We have been attending homeschool group for a few months and love it. Our son went on a retreat with the kids' ministry at our church and enjoyed himself.

Jamaal's birthday is here again - it still hurts some, but not as much as the first year. Jamaal shows me that he's with me in his way, and I'm happy with that until we are reunited. Happy birthday, babe!

It's May, and despite the many changes we have gone through, the Lord strengthens us each day.

June was not as bad as some other months are. It's one month where we aren't reminded of our loss.

Our daughter's birth month and a busy one too! Our son attended camp for a week with our church, our daughter had some friends over for her birthday and then went to a sleepover. I thought being home alone would be lonely and difficult, but it went much better than I anticipated it would. Here's to trying new things!

August was a difficult month; my chain that I wear Jamaal's wedding band on broke while we were out shopping one day. Then a few days later, the anklet Jamaal bought me for our anniversary one year broke when our dog accidentally broke it with his nail. It was all a bit much to deal with at once. There were some tears and lots of prayers.

Our anniversary month - this was kind of difficult to deal with too, but I usually use it as a day to pamper myself and relax.

Time is a funny thing - it's been two years since my sweetheart passed away, but it also feels like it just happened yesterday and also like it's happened so long ago. It's not really any easier than when it first happened, but I am one year closer to seeing my love again.