Worries and Fears
February 7, 2023Rejoice?
June 12, 2023
Do I desire to get well? It's a question I hadn't considered. My biggest reason for working on getting well is our children; I know how much they need me to be well. I understand that they are coping with this change in our lives too. And although they may not talk to me about it to vent their emotions or anything else, I hope I give them a strong example of how to deal with grief. I hope they'll remember how I told them that God gave me what I needed to get through it (and continues to). I pray I've shown them that only God can heal a mind. I hope they see just how significant their relationship with our Savior is. I tell them they can talk to me or someone else and should let me know if they want to speak with a therapist. I want them to know I'm here to support them as they grieve - that they're not alone. I love them and only want the best for them.
My therapist urged me to do things for myself to help me cope with my emotions and asked me to list them. It had to be activities I could do for at least 30 minutes. At first, I couldn't think of things I was doing for myself - coming up with a list wasn't easy. Eventually, I began to think of hobbies I enjoyed doing when Jamaal was alive and decided if I could still enjoy those activities now that he had passed away. After some thinking, here is the list I wrote:
- Praying daily
- Attending a weekly prayer group for women
- Reading my Bible each day
- Walking our dog
- Attending some events with friends and family
- Going to the homeschool group
- Talking to others about Jamaal
- Sharing memories of Jamaal with family and friends
- Working on my collage wall (a wall in my bedroom with pictures of my husband and Scriptures that helped me process his death)
- Coloring
- Word searches
- Listening to music
- Going to church every Sunday
- Journaling
- Taking baths (one of my faves)
Identifying relaxing tasks I enjoy helps me when I'm having an incredibly rough day; I can look over this list to choose a few things that will give me the time I need to cope. Since writing it, I have used it to plan something to do on my birthday and my husband's birthday, our anniversary, and the day he passed.