Residual Grief
October 9, 2023
When a loved one passes away, who do you turn to? Who do you seek for comfort, understanding, and answers? Who do you express your feelings, concerns, fears, worries, problems, and anxieties to? Who do you turn to for help? Who do you think would be good at it? Who do you think would be good at comforting you and helping you? I couldn't think of anyone who could or would comfort me better than my Savior, so I took all my feelings, fears, worries, and anxiety to the Lord and asked Him for help managing these things. I knew that these emotions were more than I could handle on my own. I was already struggling, and the person I would normally turn to for comfort and help was no longer on earth with me. There's no reversing it. I soon realized that the only person who could tell me or show me anything about my husband currently was (and still is) God. That realization made it easy for me to begin a regular prayer habit. For some reason, I just had to know what Jamaal was up to - how does he spend his days? Does he participate in fun activities? Does he still build websites and photograph his community? Does he still play the drums and help people with their home and business networks? Do friends and family still call him up with tech questions? I really just wanted to know.
I asked God many questions - would Jamaal and I be able to travel to the places we had planned or wanted to visit when he was here? Would we be able to accomplish our plans or let them go? Since God is the only person Who has direct access to my husband, I didn't see any reason to reach out to anyone else for my needs as I grieve. I knew God could help me better than anyone else, and He has. I don't regret turning to Him for answers at all because He did answer. He does care and knows me better than anyone else. He has proved this to me again and again. Where would I be without Him and the privilege of praying to Him? Because of these open prayers - sharing what the Lord knows is in my heart - I have an intimate relationship with my Savior.
I learned that airing my thoughts in God's presence (through prayer) allows Him to correct my thinking when it's wrong or will remind and assure me of His promises when I'm struggling with doubts or lies. God is good and faithful. He is always there and willing to listen and help. I have learned so much about the Lord and myself through the process of drawing close to Him. Through pursuing my relationship with Him, I'm more comfortable spending time in His presence and look forward to the time I'll spend with God each day. Afterward, I always feel light, joyful, peaceful, and energized. The benefits far outweigh the costs.
When I was younger, I didn't believe what people said about the benefits of a robust and regular prayer life, and I never tried to establish a habit or routine of praying. At that age, I didn't think God cared about or had time for my problems, but I was wrong. I thought that I should only pray to Him when I needed something, but I realize that's not how friendships work. As my Friend, Father, and Savior, I can simply have a conversation with Him. I can tell my Lord anything and ask Him anything, understanding that God reserves the right not to answer my question - that what He wants me to know is what He'll reveal to me. I've learned to be content, joyful, and peaceful despite my circumstances; I've learned just how sweet and loving God is, and I've experienced God's comfort, assurance, and presence with me. It's an experience that has changed my life in many ways and will continue to shape my life for all eternity. That's the best part about this - my relationship with my Savior will never end. It's eternal because He's eternal. It can only get better from here.
There are so many Scriptures that speak to my experience and the guarantee of God's promises:
- "Rejoice in hope; be patient in affliction; be persistent in prayer." - Romans 12:12 HCSB.
- "Don't worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7 HCSB.
- "Pray constantly." - 1 Thessalonians 5:17 HCSB.
- "Devote yourselves to prayer; stay alert in it with thanksgiving." - Colossians 4:2 HCSB.
- "In the same way the Spirit also joins to help in our weakness, because we do not know what to pray for as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with unspoken groanings." - Romans 8:26 HCSB.
- "With every prayer and request, pray at all times in the Spirit, and stay alert in this, with all perseverance and intercession for all the saints." - Ephesians 6:18 HCSB.
- "Is anyone among you suffering? He should pray. Is anyone cheerful? He should sing praises." - James 5:13 HCSB.
- "Is anyone among you sick? He should call for the elders of the church, and they should pray over him after anointing him with olive oil in the name of the Lord. The prayer of faith will save the sick person, and the Lord will raise him up; and if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven." - James 5:14-15 HCSB.
- "The LORD has heard my plea for help; the LORD accepts my prayer." - Psalm 6:9 HCSB.
- "...and My people who are called by My name humble themselves, pray and seek my face, and turn from their evil ways, then I will hear from heaven, forgive their sin, and heal their land." - 2 Chronicles 7:14 HCSB.
- "Keep asking, and it will be given to you. Keep searching, and you will find. Keep knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and to the one who searches finds, and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." - Matthew 7:7-8 HCSB.
- "Therefore, I tell you, all the things you pray and ask for - believe that you have received them, and you will have them." - Mark 11:24 HCSB.
- "You will call to Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart." - Jeremiah 29:12-13 HCSB.
Just remember that Jesus, Who is God in the flesh, prayed frequently; if He prayed frequently, how much more do we need to pray to Him? And notice all of the times Scriptures tell us to pray with thanksgiving! The benefits of giving thanks to God while praying are innumerable, but it helps us to pay attention to the blessings God has provided to us, it lifts our moods, changes our perspective, reminds us God is still working, shows us God cares, and that He hears and answers our prayers.