Hope Despite the Odds

One day during my husband's second hospitalization, I was reading 2 Kings and came to the account of Judah's King Hezekiah. In this account, he became terminally ill and was going to die. The prophet Isaiah came to tell him this, and the news caused Hezekiah to pray to the Lord. God heard his prayer and answered him, saying He would add 15 years to King Hezekiah's life. When I read this, I had renewed hope. I was praying and hoping God would answer my prayers and extend Jamaal's life. I was hoping against the odds the doctors gave him to survive. I'm not sure I could have stopped hoping even if I wanted to because I knew God could do this if it was in His will. I guess my faith in God's ability to do it fueled my hope until Jamaal passed away.

I was shocked that he actually passed; I really thought he'd live and that one day I'd have him at home with me again, but that wasn't how things turned out. Although God didn't answer my prayer for my husband's complete healing in the way I was hoping for, I'm fully aware that he did, in fact, answer my prayer. Jamaal is fully healed. Was I disappointed that God responded to my prayer differently than I hoped? Absolutely. However, I was (and am) grateful that God heard and took action regarding my prayer. This experience taught me that trusting and accepting God's plan are two separate steps. I trusted God's plan even though I didn't understand why it had to be the way it was, but it took time for me to accept this portion of His plan. For a few weeks after returning home, I would stand at the back door of our house waiting for and hoping Jamaal would return, but also knowing he wouldn't. It's silly, I know, but I just wanted him with me physically again. I was already missing his touch, voice, laugh, and how warm he always was (I get cold quickly). Eventually, I had to accept that he wasn't returning and that I'd have to grow old without him - that I would have to raise our two children alone.

All of these realizations were harsh realities to live with - none of this was part of Jamaal and my plans. After I accepted my new circumstances, I had to alter plans gradually and realized that our dreams weren't canceled but only postponed for a while. I don't have to let them go completely - I just have to let them go as we had planned them for here. Now they'll be reimagined for heaven, where they'll be far better. When I first had this thought, I was relieved that I didn't have to grieve our plans in addition to losing my husband. I get excited when I think about what our goals will look like in heaven and how we'll achieve them. In the difficult moments that continue to pop up since Jamaal's passing, these are the things I choose to concentrate on so that my sorrow won't overwhelm me. Here are some Scriptures that I love to read, pray to God about, remind myself of, and meditate on:

1. "If I go away and prepare a place for you, I will come back and receive you to Myself, so that where I am you may be also." - John 14:3 HCSB.
2. "But as it is written: What eye did not see and ear did not hear, and what never entered the human mind - God prepared this for those who love Him." -1 Corinthians 2:9 HCSB
3. "And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age." -Matthew 28:20 HCSB.
4. "He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God." -2 Corinthians 1:4 HCSB.
5. "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your care on Him, because He cares about you." -1 Peter 5:6-7 HCSB.
6. "Therefore, no condemnation now exists for those in Christ Jesus, because of the Spirit's law of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death." - Romans 8:1 HCSB.
7. "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is going to be revealed to us." -Romans 8:18 HCSB.
8. "We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose." -Romans 8:28 HCSB.
9. "What then are we to say about these things? If God is for us, who is against us?" -Romans 8:31 HCSB.
10. "No, in all these things we are more than victorious through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that not even death or life, angels or rulers, things present or things to come, hostile powers, height or depth, or any other created thing will have the power to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord!" -Romans 8:37-39 HCSB.
11. "Now to Him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us - to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen." -Ephesians 3:20-21 HCSB.
12. "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" -Philippians 4:4 HCSB.
13. "Don't worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God." -Philippians 4:6 HCSB.
14. "And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:7 HCSB.
15. "I don't say this out of need, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am." - Philippians 4:11 HCSB.
16. "I am able to do all things through Him who strengthens me." -Philippians 4:13 HCSB.